Hello, Eilidh Sue

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She’s here, and she’s perfect. Worth every minute of the agonisingly long wait. Eilidh Sue, born March 28th 2019 at 12.10pm, weighing 8.8lbs. Almost two weeks past her due date, when I was so utterly convinced she’d be an early bird like her sister. While I’ll save her birth story for another time, I will tell you that bringing her into the world was a wild ride. 22 hours from the moment my waters broke until she was born, much of those spent labouring without pain relief in the hope of birthing her as naturally as possible. But, that wasn’t meant to be our story, and instead she was born by an unplanned and slightly complicated C-section.

Eilidh, pronounced ay-lee is the Gaelic version of the name ‘Helen’. It means ‘sun ray’ or shining light’ and is a nod to her Gaelic roots. Gav is Scottish, and my Dad is Irish (hence my name) and it just felt right to give her a name that reflected her heritage. Her middle name is Sue, after my mother. Serendipitous, as it turned out, when my waters broke on my mum’s birthday, and for a moment it looked liked they would both share that day.

The last two weeks of her life have been a blur of recovering at home, everything covered in blood and sweat and milk and tears. While this time has not been without its challenges, I sleep each night sandwiched between these two girls that I made, and I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be. It’s true what they say, another baby just makes your heart bigger. Although you might not believe that until the very moment they pop into existence, there is an infinite amount of love to go around.

I’ve written before about my fears of growing our family, and of not enjoying the pregnancy like I did when I was pregnant with my first daughter, Rory. I guess I just didn’t believe that I’d be able to create another beautiful, healthy baby that I’d fall madly in love with again. It seemed so magical to me that I’d even done it once, but twice? I struggled especially in the last few weeks, carrying a heavy and overdue baby, fending off doctors wanting to induce me or pressure me to keep to their time frame instead of my own. I worried I’d resent her, for how hard it was to grow her inside me for ten months, for how she would change my relationship with Rory, for how she would set me back with work. I worried I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed easily again, or that I’d hate having a newborn, doing night feeds, being thrown back into caring for a baby 24/7.

Oh Eilidh, if only I’d known it was you in there all along. Everything would have been OK. The moment I saw your face, every single worry faded away into nothing but love for you. Little Eilidh bird, my shining light.